Pigstatistics

There was a pig who wanted to be a scientist. He was not interested in models. When asked how he planned on making sense of the world, the pig would say in a deep mysterious voice, “I don’t do models: the world is my model” and then with a twinkle in his eyes, look at his interlocutor smugly.

Around that time, some dogs opened a pub called, “Doogle” which was visited by all animals in the jungle. The wine was delicious and the traffic at the pub was unprecedented. The dogs became rich and famous; they also obtained a lot of data from the visiting animals. They bought even more pubs and collected even more data about their customers.

Now, they wanted to analyze this data to attract even more customers towards Doogle. The pig saw this as a big opportunity and gathered other like-minded pigs. The drove of pigs helped Doogle in applying pigstatistical methods (ham-correlation formulation etc), to predict various things including: kinds of animals attracted to the kinds of beverages; drinking patterns of different animals; the kinds of tables liked by classes of animals; arrival times; number of glasses Doogle would need in the near future, etc, etc, etc. To an astonishing degree, the pigs made quite accurate predictions using their pigstatistics.

The services of our pigs were acquired by other entities including FaceSlap, Barker, and Snorter, among others. Our heroic pigs helped their clients in outshining the competition. In fact the pigs method of collecting huge amounts of data and then applying pigstatistics on it came to be known as “Pig Data” in their honor.

Read entire article at Realm of the Scensci

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